Hello people, hoping you could help me out here with this question.
I'm a single 25 year old. I am introverted for the most part, I am out going with people I know, but it's hard for me to make new friends. Consequently I am now 25 and have never dated.
5 weeks ago a lovely girl started where I am employed. I didn't have much to do with her in the first few weeks, but we would talk fairly often, to the point where other staff members began gossiping. I began to develop feelings for her and the week later we were assigned a group project that took us out of the office. For 5 days we worked side by side and chatted for hours and hours, consequently affecting our work.
When we returned to the office we stopped talking as frequently to discourage gossiping, but we began emailing each other frequently, usually 5 times an hour of which she initiated mostly.
The crux of the problem is this. She is very Christian and traditional. I am Catholic and I don't have a problem with her beliefs or the extent of them, in fact I respect this about her. I find her spirituality one of her most attractive qualities. I am a lapse Catholic, talking to her has made be reconsider God and Jesus more closely and consequently I have begun to strengthen my faith. I have started reading the Bible and I talk to God often. I have made an effort to not swear, not use God's name in vain and not pass judgement against others.
The week after our offsite project she asked to talk to me privately after work. We went to the local bar where we sat down and chatted. This was her forth week at work and the second that I had really known her. She asked me where I saw us going and I said that I had feelings for her but wasn't sure. She seemed upset that I had feelings for her and explained that we wouldn't be able to be togeather. She said that she has asked God to tell her the right person to marry, that it's wrong for her to have a relationship with someone who doesn't believe (even though I do) and that the Bible teaches against having a boyfriend girlfriend relationship and further mentioned that her parents were friends for years and then got engaged and subsequently married.
I was initially quite hurt, because I had only known her for two or so weeks and to be written off so early upset me. Anyway I walked her to the bus and saw her off.
During the conversation she mentioned somethings to be I thought were interesting. She had no friends, no proper friends. People have distanced themselves from her because of her rules and because she openly talks about Jesus and God. She said she's been hurt ini the past by this and I get the impression she doesn't want to be hurt again.
Anyway the following day she seemed nervous around me and would only speak to me in a casual way during a group conversation. I received no emails. At lunchtime I went into the kitchen to eat lunch, she was there with a few others. After about 30 minutes she got up to go outside for a walk. I watched her go and chased after her. She was surprised to see me and thought that I wouldn't want to talk to her again. We talked a little about last night and she reiterated that she was confused and was sorry for some of the things she said.
Everything was fine for the next few days, the emails resumed and she talked to me more freely. We even went out for dinner as a group where we sat next to each other for 4 hours just chatting away. I dropped her home afterwards.
She told me during the drive that doing things along togeather constituted dating and there were certain rules, such as getting parents permission. She understands that we are currently just friends but the perception from her parents would indicate otherwise, and while she is free to make her own choices, said her parents points of view carried weight with her. I said that's understandable and that we can just do things as a group if it makes her more comfortable.
I have been open to her about my feelings and why I like her. I said I treasure every moment we spend together, that I find her very spirtual, cultured and sweet. She said I was a nice person and thanked me for the kindness I had shown her over the last few weeks and said I was very sensitive and that she liked that about me.
Anyway yesterday at work everything was going as normal, we were trading emails and laughing and what not. She invited me out at lunch, she was going down to the local Christian book store and wanted me to come. I said yes and walked with her. We returned to the office and ate lunch togeather. Later in the afternoon our emails again started becoming serious. She thanked me again for taking her out to dinner (with the group) and said she really enjoyed herself. Said she wanted to do things with me as a group and needed time to sort through her confusion.
I again reiterated that I had feelings, take the time you need and that doing things as a group was fine by me. I also said that any relationship takes risk and that everyone goes through this. She responded with mentioning being hurt in the past by people, saying real life was not Hollywood and that she just needed my paitence.
That was the last words exchanged on the matter, we had to go home, she had a bus to catch.
I am not sure if she likes me or not. She certainly likes to talk to me and spend time with me, but I think there are things about me she can't accept from a religous perspective.
Do you think she likes me? Can someone give me advice on how to deal with this. I am happy to be paitent, but obviously in the long-run there is a limit to how long I can put my life on hold. wow sounds like a great idea for a movie..ha..sorry, but yea i definitely think she likes you bro..i didnt get what denomination of christianity she is, but it doesn't really matter becuase your a christian as well and obviously beleive in the Bible and Jesus like she does as you say..i guess she's confused with her own beleifs to take things very slow and what society deems to be a good time to date after being freinds...as you mentioned, her parents were freinds for a long time, so i wouldn't worry about wondering if she likes you becuase yall arent dating, she definitely does...be concerned when she doesn't want anything to do with you...
good luck bra! |
