About halfway through my ninth grade year, I started talking to this one girl(lets call her 鈥淢arie鈥? She was one of those people who didn鈥檛 seem to hang out with a lot of people(I wasn鈥檛 the most popular person in school, but I hung out with a fair amount of people). She had some friends, but they seemed more of casual friends than strong friends. Marie tended to wear darker clothes, like she might have some 鈥減rep鈥?shirts, but they were always darker colors.
Anyways, we had been doing this one class project, and her group did some stuff with mine, and we started talking in school a bit, and also on myspace. As I talked to Marie, I realized how cool she seemed. She had a bit of a violent humor, could listen to(even make) perverted jokes without being disgusted, swore quite a bit, had a dominating air about her(She seemed pretty strong willed), and overall just seemed pretty damn cool. It was the end of the second quarter in school when I first started talking to her, and it wasn鈥檛 till almost the end of the year that we really started hanging out(we had a total of like two classes together and, thanks to assigned seating, we typically weren鈥檛 close to each other). This was also the time that I first began developing a crush on her. Finally, we got relatively close within one class setting, and we were able to talk and get to know each other better(my god, I hated that class, but it was much better with her in there).
Marie had been single up to this point in time. Quite literally, on the last day of school she started going out with this one kid(鈥淩ob鈥? who had had a crush on her for awhile(he was my friend, but I really didn鈥檛 understand why they got together, they seemed too different 鈥?he was very hyper while she was much more reserved in her demeanor). Anyways, we continued to talk over myspace throughout the summer, but neither of us are big on talking on the phone, and distance wises, it was kind of hard for us to really hang out.
Once my sophomore year started, we began hanging out quite a lot more. Since I was already pretty good friends with Rob, us, two other kids, 鈥淩on鈥?and 鈥淏J鈥?who were like best friends with Rob and pretty good friends with me , and Marie would all hang out together. Ron and BJ were Marie鈥檚 best friends, with BJ being her very best friend. So, it was a pretty good group.
It was during this period that I became really good friends with Marie(I was essentially still a step below Ron and BJ though). We still didn鈥檛 hang out alot outside of school, but we talked over myspace all the time, and always hung out at school. We really began trusting each other during this period. I learned that she had a few self-harming tendencies(but this slowly went away within the next half a year or so), and this helped to change my view of certain types of people. Also, I found that if something I did bugged her, and she mentioned it, I was more than wiling to change(in other words, I quit 鈥済ay bashing鈥? saying certain vulgar words[none of the wondrous swear words though], and a few things like that). We began helping each other out more and more(for example, we had this one project in class that we were both working on individually, but mine essentially sucked, so, about three minutes before either of us had to go up and present, we agreed that if I did ninety percent of the talking, we go up as partners[we were allowed to but we had been working individually before] and use her nice-looking project). Somewhere during this period, her and Rob began having sex, too.
This was all good until BJ got a girlfriend(he was kind of one of those nerdy kids that are really into video games) and he started changing. I had never been great friends(more of casual friends with him, me and Ron were good friends though) with him, so I had no problem totally ditching him when Marie did. Ron, on the other hand, had a little bit more trouble with it, but he managed to stay friends with both of them. It was during the climax of this situation that I think I essentially took the place of BJ in relation to Marie(our friendship is different now than it was then, but at the time, that鈥檚 what it was like). That night, when her and BJ ceased to be friends(it had been building up for awhile, but there was one point when they had an argument and that was essentially it for them), I must have spent at least three hours straight just talking to her on myspace. This was when I learned her deepest secret(lets just say something went terribly wrong in her life). She felt that it was her fault, in some way, and so I told her repeatedly that it wasn鈥檛. I don鈥檛 know if it got through to her, but I truly hope it did. It was at that point, when she opened herself up to me completely, that I realized and decided that I loved her(as a friend) and that I would always be there for her. (When I first told her that I would always be there for her, she was like 鈥渢hat鈥檚 a big promise to make鈥?and I was like 鈥淚 know, I plan to always be there for you if you need me鈥漑and I鈥檝e kept good on that promise thus far, and plan to continue to do so]) Since that night, we haven鈥檛 talked about her past and that tragedy, for we both know of it, and it鈥檚 like a mutual silent agreement not to mention it ever again(if she ever needs to talk or anything, I鈥檓 obviously gonna be there for her, but I won鈥檛 ever bring it up).
The semester ended, and our group was down to four, instead of five. Me and Rob grew distant, for I didn鈥檛 really ever see him(due to classes), but we were still friends and were able to talk when we were around each other. Marie and Rob seemed to have a love-hate relationship. She used to get angry with him frequently, and they quarreled quite a bit. She was still pretty good friends with Ron.
However, Ron started really hanging out with this one group of kids who she didn鈥檛 like. I thought that most of the people were pretty decent, if they were by themselves, but they turned into assholes once they all got together. Marie just thought they were assholes.
So, slowly, Ron grew distant from Marie, and our friendship lessened a bit(we鈥檙e still pretty good friend, though). Finally, him and Marie had a falling out, and they have been bitter towards each other ever since. This left me as Marie鈥檚 only best friend.
By this point in time, Marie was one of my best friends(the only person I had her underneath on my myspace was a kid I鈥檝e known for a few years over a decade and hang out with all the time). We hung out all the time in school, and a little after school. We were so close that people mistook us as a couple fairly often(she had more classes with me than she did with Rob, so we were together more). And yes, I still had a crush on her at this time. But, of course, our friendship always came first(it鈥檚 not like there was much I could do, she had a boyfriend).
The year ended, and summer began. I was gone halfway across the world with this one summer program for three weeks, and she was the only person I kept in real contact with throughout the trip(I called her twice, and the first time we talked for over two hours, and the second time we talked for about half an hour(the delay between when you said something and the other person heard it just got to annoying). In other words, she got two and a half hours of talk time, my other friend altogether got between a quarter of an hour and a half an hour, and my family got twelve minutes of talking to me). Once I got back, she broke the news to me that she might be pregnant(her period was being uber gay). Her boyfriend, Rob, was out of town for the next week or two, and she didn鈥檛 want to go and buy a pregnancy test herself, so she asked me(in a very demur manner[it鈥檚 not something you get asked every day]) if I would go out and buy them for her. I was like 鈥淢arie, I said I would always be there for you, so yeah, I鈥檒l get them for you鈥? As you can see, we were pretty damn good friends. (she wasn鈥檛 pregnant, by the way, her period was just being slow)
Junior year rolled around, and her and Rob鈥檚 relationship fell to pieces. She began hanging out with one of Rob鈥檚 best friends, 鈥淛ay鈥? Rob began getting pretty angry when she would go and hang out with Jay, and like drive around or go and get coffee or whatnot. This really strained their relationship. Then, one day, she kissed Jay. Her and Rob decided to try and fix their relationship at that point, once she revealed that to him, but this failed terribly. After getting drunk one night, her and Jay had sex, and that was the end of her and Rob.
Despite her actions going against just about all my morals, I stuck by her side, as her best friend(I had told her I would, and I damn well meant it). Almost none of my friends wanted me to hang out with her anymore, but I really didn鈥檛 care. And, I still liked her.
There was about a month transition period in which she was single, but essentially going out with Jay. I almost think that Jay was a bounce back, or possibly a revenge thing. He was willing to say things to please her, do stuff for her(be 鈥渨hipped鈥漑just like how I do a lot of small things for her, so people always say I鈥檓 whipped by her]), and make promises to her. I dislike him(and Marie knows this, and she used to bug me about why I don鈥檛 like him, but she hasn鈥檛 asked me why for months now[essentially since they started arguing more]). Like, he reminds me of myself in some ways(he has a sense of humor, is willing to do small things for Marie, etc), but with a lack of morals, a sense of over-pride(it鈥檚 like he doesn鈥檛 believe he can be wrong[except with Marie, and only sometimes at that]), and more of a party side to him(according to Marie, I鈥檓 the 鈥済ood kid鈥?between me and her, whereas Jay goes out and drinks and does some drugs).
Anyways, they seem to fight quite a lot actually. It鈥檚 almost a repeat of her last relationship, in my opinion(both Rob and Jay are emotional crybabies, in my opinion, they fight over dumb **** with Marie, and almost break up from time to time and then don鈥檛[but Jay graduated this year, so maybe that鈥檒l help sever their ties]).
Jay graduated this year, so that means that he got to take off the last week of school. Unfortunately, I got MRSA on my leg and so I only got to spend two days of that week at school, hanging out with Marie. When I was gone at the hospital though, I called her quite a bit(and like the phone keep dropping the call[I think that the medical equipment was killing it], so instead of just hanging up, we called each other back like half a thousand times). After school ended, her and Jay almost broke up, and she had me call her(I have wondrous dial up so I was on the internet and she told me to call her), and we talked for a good amount of time. Anyways, they worked it out, and are back together. But like we were at this parade thingy the other day and I ran into her and Jay didn鈥檛 seem all that enthusiastic, like she wanted to get rid of him. And that鈥檚 essentially where we鈥檙e at now.
Now, for between Marie鈥檚 and my relation鈥?we hang out all the time at school, we actually talk on the phone from time to time, and hang out sometimes after school. She has become my very best friend, surpassing even my friend of over a decade, and I am still her very best friend(she doesn鈥檛 really have any other best friends, either). I help her out with the big things(the other day, she didn鈥檛 do a book report for this one class, so I sent her the report I had done earlier in the year so that she could just turn that one in[and she got a higher grade than what I got for my book report. Ironic, huh?]), and the small(picking up her pencil of she drops it, buying her something from a concert of her favorite band that she wasn鈥檛 able to make it to[with my own money]). She has always been there for me when I have needed her and she is the one person I know I can turn to to talk with if I really need to. She has ALWAYS helped me out when I needed it or asked. She is so amazing. For next year, we have coordinated our classes so that we can have the majority of them together(I think we got between two thirds and three fourths of them together next year). And, obviously, I still have that crush on her.
I want your opinions on this. Please.
Ok, In my opinion, you're being the perfect guy for just being patient and leaving "Marie" some room to figure out what she's going to do (relation-ship) wise. And more than that; you're actually being there for her when she needs you, so she knows you are supporting her. Maybe due to that tragedy you mentioned, she might feel as though she needs to test your stability [like seeing if you change your view of her because she goes out with the wrong guy, does something like get drunk/'u know' when she knows it goes againts your morals] to see if you'll still stick around. Because, as a girl...I know that even if you SAY you will always be there for her she may still doubt your promise...maybe because she has been betrayed by someone she once trusted..or she just feels insecure. From your description of her [and I know it runs a lot deeper] she seems really awesome, one of my girl-friends (if I had any) but I think she needs some time to determine what she really wants out of a guy, because at the moment, I think she's confused (and this could be because of a certain trauma...I really don't know) and afraid to trust. If she pulls through and realizes you ARE going to be there for her always, I'm pretty sure she will find a HUGE amount of attraction in that quality. You're a smart, patient, all around good guy who is putting himself on the line for the one he cares about..what girl WOULD'NT find attraction in that?? If another break-up occurs, let her know why you're always there for her. Let her know why you stuck with her rather then your best friends. I mean she must obviously know there's something about the connection between you and her that hasn't been spoken of yet. I know that this answer's the easy way out in just "letting her know" but i'm sure it will work because of your situation and i'm sure that she will gradually accept it. All you need is backbone..... u love her ! send her the link to this page... then she'll know just how long... err much you like her. Or, seriously, just tell her that the guys she's now dating is a total douche, and needs to break her bad boyfriend pattern with an actual guy who'll treat her right, but more subtle of course. As a best friend, make these suggestions, and if anything materializes out of it, you're there. hope this helped, good luck. Good luck getting someone to even read an 1/8 th let alone an opinion! ok... well you could tell her, but if she doesnt feel the same that could change your friendship.. but if she does happen to feel the same way it would be good news.. so if your willing to take a chance, i say you should tell her how you feel :) |
