My problem is my disturb rutine life.
1. I am working in with my husband in his firm, but not getting the job satisfaction, if i join some where else my little daughter (2 Yr) routine will get disturb.
2. My mother in law is quiet irritating, i want to disscuss the issue with her and solve them peacefully, but per her opinon she is always right and i am always wrong.
3. Sepration from family can be a solution, but my husband is not ready for that and even i can understand that may increse our problem.
4. My mother in law is expecting a "adarsh bahu" sort of attitute from me, like her TV serial heroins, that i can't be at any cost.
Earlier our whole family was in job, and now all are in business, due to nonprofessional attitude of some members , we had some lossess, that make my husband disurb and to me too.
Hope you can understand my problem, i am trying to be possitive but now my limit are cross day by day. I don't want to insult anybody,I just want to live peacefully. I try my level best to make everyone happy in my family. BUT my MIL happy for one day than start behaving rudely for 4 days than automatically start behaving o.k on 5th day and this routine is going on and on from last 4 years. 1. Change jobs. Disturbing the routine of a two year old is not a big deal, and may even help her become more adaptable. How can you be a good mom to her if you are not happy?
2. Most people believe they are right and that those that disagree with them are wrong. Otherwise they would change their opinions, wouldn't they? You can't change your mother-in-law, you can only change your reaction to her. Maybe she likes to irritate you. Refuse to engage in conflict with her. Just smile and thank her for advice, then do whatever you think is best.
3. You sound like you are perhaps from India? Don't even bother trying to separate from your husband's family. Just get yourself a separate job.
4. You should not concern yourself with what she wants you to be. Treat her with respect, but be yourself! Wow, I have difficulty acting to resolve my problems too.
Maybe you should talk to your husband. I would definitely suggest that. Maybe just because you listed it first, but a job takes so much time out of your life that you could spend resolving issues with your family and extended family. You shouldn't be spending so much time on something you don't like to do, but I'm sure you know that already...
I hope you can resolve your problems. I would pray that your husband gets another job where your mother-in-law does not have any rule or real say-so in your lives. Yes it is good to be a little more separated from family. When couples work together 24/7, their personal lives get affected because of their work lives. In ur case, u r sacrificing ur personal life to accomodate ur daughter's routine. You have to decide what is more important to you at ths time.
2) love and affection can create a win win situation for you and your MIL. Stop treating her like a MIL and start treating her like a mother, and you will see the difference in less than 3 months. ALL relationships need time and patience to reciprocate.
3)Separation may be a temporary solution, but might be a permanent mistake. Don't force this on ur husband, or you might lose him to pressure.
4) Don't you expect a adarsh MIL? Someone has to take the first step towards a peaceful living. This involves a lot of patience, quiet and perseverence.
Why don't you show these attributes first and make a mark in your life as well as lives of all those who you live with?
There will always be successes and failures in life and business.
Dont become dejected because of these failures, because:
FAILURE IS NEVER FINAL.
May you succeed in your endeavours with positivism. so, two things are putting a serious strain on your life and relationship: your job and your mother-in-law, right? if you arent happy with your job, you should find a new one! its that simple! the people around you are affected by your unhappiness- and that includes your daughter! she is young and can adapt and adjust to a new routine more than you give her credit for!
as for your mother-in-law, if you absolutely cant put up with her, or avoid her, you need to tell her how you feel, and ask her why she treats you this way. if she gets angry the worst she can do is stop talking to you (assuming that she isnt a vicious person) or maybe even change. personally, i find it easy to laugh off those kind of people and their crazy ideals, so just know that you are firm in your personal beliefs and wont change just to make her happy- trust me, those kind of people are Never satisfied! Good Luck to you! If you don't want to disturb anything that is going on now & also you want peace in your mind then you should not raise your voice to you mother-in-law.
Instead try all othe possible ways which u could do silently without speaking. If you have tough work in the office don't rush to home in hurry burry and cook for them. When they ask you You just say "This is all what I can do. I have only two hands".
Don't try to take all responsibilities on your head. Let all of them do. u cannot get good name or atleast a consoling word even you do all the possible things you can.
Arrange things in it's priority and dedicate % of your time according to that.
First comes ur kid. Do whatever she needs first. Homework help, Artwork help etc., all she needs.
Second ur husband, He allowed the entire family even the useless people into ur business... Right? Then that is his worries. You do your part of job correctly. Get total amount. Save for personal expenses, Emergency expenses, Kids future and your pension plan. No other good time will come to start savings.
Emergency expenses can occur at any time. and most of the time it would cost high. Plan accordingly.
Do everything in silence. Don't raise your voice to ur MIL. I am sure speaking to her and speaking to wall is the same. Don't waste your precious time and energy.
Don't live for others always. Have some time saved for u to live the life u love.
Don't put all the responsibilities on your head. Let others also do some work. Sometimes, Even if u can't bare the way they are getting things done just adjust with it.It's true that " Nobody can do a job as perfect as you do it" . But learn accept it. |
